My Best Material

I don't know if this will count as a substantial blog entry, but I want to write down all my ''best material''. All my lame, I mean, extremely humorous, jokes here on my blog, safe-guarded against memory loss; a record. Maybe one day I'll visit my blog and read through this very entry, laughing at my younger self. If that day comes, I would just like to spare a moment to say hello to my older self.
Hello, future-Eve, it's your younger self here, I sincerely hope that you are a successful and credited career person.

I'm not sure what I want to be as yet, stayed posted for more information on that topic.
Anyway, back to the very serious task of creating a record.

Item number 1. Last year in 2007, I had a ruler. And this ruler's name was Kenneth. One day during math class, a young boy commented on Kenneth.
'He's gay.' He said.
'No, he's not.' I intelligently replied. 'He's straight, he's a ruler.'

Item number 2. I'm not sure of where this particular item derived from, perchance it was just a strike of genius. This is a take-off of the familiar childhood song 'If you're happy and you know it'.
You can play this joke on your friends, but while it is timeless, you usually won't fool someone twice.
Sing, If you're a gherkin and you know it clap your hands
and if anyone claps, you quickly say, Gherkins don't have hands!
Which is a very true statement indeed.

Item number 3. Have you ever wondered about the meaning of life?
Wonder no longer, just search it up on dictionary.com, where all your questions are answered.

Item number 4. This is a more amusing trait of mine. If I find fault in anything, especially text books with grammar mistakes, I will always say, 'I'm going to write a letter.'
I have written two letters to companies with grammar mistakes on their labels, somehow word got out and the general public found it quite strange and a tad hard to believe, and as a result of my own want to write letters and express my opinion, along with a little peer influence, this phrase was born.

Item number 5. Veering off topic like on so many other occasions, I'd like to take note of the following. Through primary school and intermediate and now college, people have congratulated themselves on being supremely funny by adding one extra letter into my last name. This makes my surname sound like a part of the human anatomy. Just last term a rather smart boy said the joke thinking he had made a highly amusing, original discovery. He was wrong. It's not funny, it never was and it never will be. However, counting the times people crack that joke is kind of entertaining.

Item number 6. Carrot-top, that's one of the many names red-head a mercifully teased with. Being a red-head myself, I have never found the discrimination laughable. While I still don't, I'd just like to inform you all that the tops of carrots are actually green.

Item number 7. This is a very funny, practical joke. Say to someone that you can moon-walk, then begin to lift you legs and arms really slowly, making space noises. Moon-walk, like you're on the moon! Geddit?

I would like to dedicate this entry to my fish of late, Bensen. You were a good fish. I'll never forget the way you would head-but the glass of your tank if anyone came in the vicinity of it, and how you would eat fish-food off my finger. Though it was your appetite for life and experience that got you in the end, though it was not your fault. It was a sad, sad day when Jack threw that half of tomato into your tank and you ate nearly every last bit of it. May you swim in peace. You will be missed.